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Yesterday, my mom and I were standing outside the Mac store at the mall discussing what would be the right computer for me when she said the dreaded words... "I don't know, babe. It's up to you."

Up to me? Up to ME? It is no secret that I hate making choices like that. I'd much rather someone say, "This is what you get", and then we go from there. I have no problem telling someone if I want something or not, I just don't like having lots of options. In fact, I have often had conversations with others stating that I'd rather have God send me a letter in the mail with instructions for my life. It would be so much easier that way, wouldn't it?

Needless to say, I love it when God speaks so directly to me that I can't ignore it. It's one of those rare things. Often my lessons are learned through mistakes, trials, or some circumstance out of my control. But today I was thinking through the things I have learned this week, and not only are they clear, they are specific.

The first thing God wants from me is vulnerability. I have a hard time with that sometimes. Expressing my opinion is really not a problem for me, but talking about feelings can be. It is uncomfortable sometimes. Not only that, opening myself up like that can bring outcomes that were both unexpected and unwanted. I'm trying to learn that it really isn't about the outcome I get. Vulnerability leads to deep relationships. I am so thankful I am aware of it, and I'm working on it.

The second thing God wants from me is intentionality. My mom was talking to me about that the other day. You really never know how big of a difference it can make to simply check in on someone, especially if that is something that has been missing in their life. I know I love the feeling when someone I haven't talked to in a while checks in to see how things are going. There are times when that has happened at exactly the moment I needed it, and the other person had no idea. I want to be that for somebody.

The last thing God wants from me surprised me. The previous two are issues I have thought about and dealt with before, but not this one. God wants me to keep my motives in check. At Ethos on Sunday, part of the message was about this very thing. Obedience should flow out of a deep relationship with and knowledge of God. I want everything I do to come from my love and devotion to Christ, not because it will look good to others.
"For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice,
the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings."
-Hosea 6:6

So these are the things God has laid on my heart lately. I hope other people can relate to me on this!

And if you are wondering... While it wasn't spelled out for me, I did make a decision on a computer... I went for the Mac :)