Five Loaves and Two Fish

Hello, my name is Lindsay and I am a planner.

There, I said it. I plan. I plan everything. I begin planning the route the second I realize I need to run more than one errand in a trip out. I plan my outfits days or even weeks in advance sometimes. I plan everything from what food I will eat for lunch (hours before its lunch time) to what color I will paint my toenails next week.

I've noticed something interesting about planning, though. Things don't always happen the way I have planned them to. You see, I don't only plan simple things like my route when I run errands... Until a few months ago, I had a pretty detailed plan laid out for the rest of my life. If we're being completely honest, my life looks nothing like I thought it was going to.

Don't get me wrong, that is not necessarily a bad thing! God has done MANY things in my life that never would have happened if things had gone the way I decided they should go. On the other hand, I have also mourned the loss of things I did not expect to lose- such as relationships I could not picture my life without. As I was talking with my mom earlier, she reminded me that there are some seasons in our life that we don't immediately see God's purpose for. I'm trying to learn to fully embrace that truth.

At church on Sunday, the message was on our "I don't know moments". For example, Jesus had a crowd of 5000 hungry people surrounding Him, and the disciples didn't know what to do about it. They even suggested that the crowd be sent away to buy their own food. But Jesus had something so much better in mind. He fed them with only five loaves of bread and two fish (Matthew 14:13-21). The disciples had to be willing to ask Jesus for help, and someone had to be willing to give Him all the food they had in order to see what He had in store for them.

Lately, I'm faced with a few "I don't know" situations... most of which are a result of things not going according to my plan. On Sunday, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have to give those situations to Jesus. I have to give it ALL to Him, even my life plan. I don't have a lot, much like the five loaves and two fish. Yet until I surrender it all to Jesus and ask for His help, I will never know what He has in store for me. It may be uncomfortable, but it will be so satisfying to know He's leading me all the way.