thankfulness. agradecimiento. reconnaissance.

i can't count how many times this week i have heard someone say "i can't wait for this semester to be over!" and i can totally relate. it's hard to remain in a constant state of sleep-deprivation and stress; worrying about financial aid, grades, and deadlines. then, if you pile relationships on top of all that (which is a must haha), it really seems overwhelming.

in the world of facebook stalking, i noticed that a few of my friends statuses read "_______ is ready for this year to be over" and i was bothered by that. i have come to realise in the last few days how incredibly valuable our time really is. i stand amazed by how unique each of our experiences are. i have a life story that would probably fill up a good number of pages if i were to write it out. but so do you. and so does my best friend. and so does my boyfriend. and so does my mom. everyone does!

and that leaves me absolutely speechless at the creativity of the Creator of our universe. He is a beautiful author. life has ups and downs and twists and turns. and He has carefully written each one of them in the storybook of our lives. He uses the different circumstances and experiences we have to draw us closer to Him, as well as each other. He uses each and every little detail to make us into who we are, and who He wants us to become. He has written a story for every person who was alive, is already alive, and will be alive. that takes an unfathomable amount of creativity!

my point in saying all of this is pretty simple. it's november, and thanksgiving is coming up. for whatever reason, someone decided that thanksgiving is the only day out of the year we should be thankful... and that's wrong. as i've learned lately, this life God has given me is something to be thankful for all the time. even if something is going wrong. even if things aren't going according to my plan. (which is dumb to even bother having. haha) my Father is teaching me things daily, drawing me closer to Him daily, and is writing every second of my days to make me into the woman He wants me to be. i find that to be beautiful, personal, and very Him.

"many, o Lord my God are the wonders which You have done,

and Your thoughts towards us;

there is none to compare with You;

if i would declare and speak of them,

they would be too numerous to count."

Psalm 40:5

"i will bless the Lord at all times;

His praise shall continually be in my mouth,

my soul shall make its boast in the Lord;

the humble shall hear it and rejoice.

o magnify the Lord with me,

and let us exalt His name together."

Psalm 34:1-3

God is good. That's it.

Psalm 121:1-8

I raise my eyes toward the mountains.
Where will my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
The Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to slip;
Your Protector will not slumber.
Indeed, the Protector of Israel
Does not slumber or sleep.
The Lord protects you;
The Lord is a shelter right by your side.
The sun will not strike you by day,
Or the moon by night.
The Lord will protect you from all harm;
He will protect your life.
The Lord will protect your coming and going
Both now and forever.

forgiveness.

i am learning how to forgive.

that seems like such a simple concept, and it really should be. but unfortunately, for some such as myself, it is not. now, i'm not talking about the kind of forgiveness where whoever has offended you apologizes and never does it again. i'm not even talking about the kind where they apologize and continue to do it. i'm talking about the kind of forgiveness that involves an unjust act done multiple times, and never apologized for, or even acknowledged. that is where the difficulty lies.

without getting into too many details, i have grown up in a family where one person's sin and decisions have effected everybody else.

this is an issue in my life that has caused me a lot of heartache, and sadly, a lot of unforgiveness.

and i'm sick of it.

unforgiveness is a miserable thing to live with.

i recently read the shack. now without giving away too many details, i will first of all say that it is an amazing book, and if you haven't read it, go read it NOW. :) it shaped me in a way i didn't completely expect. i learned that forgiveness is not done for the person i'm forgiving, it is done for myself and my relationship to God and others.

will i still be angry sometimes? yes.

will i still get frustrated? of course.

will it still hurt at times? sure.

but i think the unforgiveness hurts worse than the offense.

a man spoke last night at a special service at school, and talked about forgiveness for a bit. he mentioned that Jesus, even when he was beaten to the point of nonrecognition, forgave the men who were crucifying Him.

"When they got to the place called Skull Hill, they crucified Him, along with the criminals, one on His right, and one on His left. Jesus prayed, 'Father forgive them; they don't know what they're doing.'" -Luke 23:33-34 (the message)

what an unbelievable thought. they didn't apologize! in fact, the soldiers were casting lots for Jesus' clothes.

forgiveness, as i am learning, is a process, not an event. i'm realizing how freeing it is now that i am working on it. i have finally figured out that i don't need to wait for an apology in order to forgive, because i may never get one. by forgiving, God will free me. hallelujah.

a little less like myself.

so i made the ultimate decision to write a couple of seperate blogs to describe the things God is doing inside of me these days. that way, there aren't a million different ideas all in one entry. :)

those who know me very well have most likely heard this story from me at least one time... maybe even two or three... sorry. it still stands out in my mind. :)

this summer, i took a job that was way outside my comfort zone. i felt that God was calling me away from a place i'd worked for three years, and He provided me with a new job that was a little scarier, bigger, and more demanding than the previous one. (all of which could be a completely seperate blog on it's own. ha) i didn't stay there for very long, but in the time i was there, God revealed something huge to me.

i did a favor for one of my co-workers, who we will call Rob for privacy's sake. ;) Rob promised me that he would do anything in return. i wish i could say that my attitude was perfect about the favor i did for him, but it was definitely not. a week or so later, i realized that i was scheduled to work the day i was to move into my dorm. to make a very long story short (or at least shortER), Rob went completely out of his way to help me find someone to take my shift..... i asked him if he had any ideas of who might want it, fully expecting him to just list off names of people who weren't scheduled that day or who were in need of hours. (which was totally fine. that would have been an enormous help to me.) instead, he proceeded to call people for me, and even arrive at work early to ask if anyone would like to work for me.....

and i didn't even ask him to.

what?

it was through that experience that God showed me a flaw of mine. if someone had asked me for suggestions of people who would work for me, what would my initial reaction have been? certainly, and unfortunately, not that.

that day, God began a work in me that is still going on to this day. He showed me that maybe, just maybe, i needed to be a little more like Rob, and a little less like me. my natural reaction should be to put others in front of myself, and go out of my way to serve them. and that's something He is still working with me on daily.

ramblings.

i enjoy days like this. my thoughts are reeling so quickly i can hardly slow them down enough to write. but here i sit, in front of my computer, with a little free time-- something that has been rare lately. and even though i have so many thoughts i want to put down, i can't seem to find the words i need to express any of them. ha. how typical of me.

God is good.

and He is teaching me to revel in the wonderful, simple things that make life so blissful.

He is moving me in so many ways. which, naturally, i will discuss more in depth when my mind isn't racing. :)

the change that fall brings always forces me to see things in a new light, which is never a bad thing. there's just some sort of excitement that hangs in the air.

and that, unfortunately, is the end of my introductory blog... sad. bear with me as i attempt to sort through the ramblings inside my head. :)