Y'all. How is it possible that over a year has passed and I haven't written anything? Not a thing? I don't think it was necessarily a conscious decision that I made. But it happened.
The last year of my life has been a season of reflecting, refining, reflecting again, and then some more refining. My attitude, my view of myself, my plans for the future, my finances, my patience -- basically my entire person-- were in need of some TLC and renovation. Thankfully, I serve a loving and merciful God who picked me up, dusted me off, and breathed life back into my weary soul.
During the last year's journey, I discovered a few things about myself. I even made a few life-changing decisions along the way. Some of these are more personal than others, but I would love to share them with anyone interested in reading them. You never know what parts of your story will touch someone else. So here goes!
1. My worth in Christ is far more important than the worth that any other person in the universe could put on me. I know firsthand how difficult and painful for someone who "loves" you to speak lies into your life. I also know how easy it is to believe them. But the absolute truth of the matter is this- the God of the universe loves me. He loves you. He offers forgiveness for mistakes and hope for the future. We are his beloved. We are His precious creation whom He knew and loved long before the creation of the earth. If that doesn't make you feel valuable, I don't know what will!
2. Life doesn't always happen the way we plan it. This seems like a no-brainer, but it is something I have struggled with immensely. My life looks pretty different than I thought it would, and I have harbored bitterness in my heart towards those who contributed to the collapse of my plan. It wasn't until recently that I have been able to accept that God has had me where He wanted me all along. He knew that my story wasn't going to play out exactly the way I had written it and He has a purpose in that. He is building into me. He is giving me opportunities to be patient rather than magically instilling patience into me.
3. As part of the discovery that my plan doesn't always happen the way I want it to, the Lord has led me to get my Master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy through Liberty University. Ha!!! This is the last thing I thought I would be doing in this season of my life. I had always thought that this MIGHT be something that I MAY do when I get older and am... you know, married with a family. God had different ideas. Through different people in my life, He kept bringing Marriage and Family Therapy back to the forefront of my mind. After talking to my mom and boyfriend about it, I felt such peace. Not only did they want me to pursue a degree in MFT, they had been waiting on me to say I was doing it. I am three weeks into the program and I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am doing the right thing. It scares the crap out of me, but I know God has called me to do it. Master's programs are hard y'all. But a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.
4. I love clothes. A lot. Like A LOT. All it has taken is a series of serious problems in my life to realize that. There was a period that I just totally wanted to avoid all emotions. So I shopped. It feels good! Clothes are cute, and they make you feel better about yourself and your life- for a minute. I am happy to say that this is a habit I have STOPPED. As a result, I am joining my amazing friend Mary in 100 Days of Shopping My Closet. I will not be buying a single new article of clothing until December 11th (I started a few days later than she did). More than likely, I will be posting some outfits I have created with what I already have in my closet in hopes of inspiring any ladies (or gentlemen) who want to join Mary and myself in this challenge!
5. Therapy is... therapeutic. And there is nothing wrong with it. It can help you discover things about yourself and your emotions that you never imagined. All you have to do is be 100% open and honest with your therapist. I am a much softer person because of it. I even cry now. (gasp!) And guess what? Crying doesn't make me a weak woman. It doesn't make me emotional or unstable or too sensitive. It only makes me a person with feelings. Thank you, Lord, for breaking down the walls I had separating from me from these emotions for so many years.
There you have it. I hope that these thoughts and lessons have benefited someone somehow. They may have seemed scattered, but this post was weighing very heavily on my heart. If anyone has struggled with similar issues, please reach out to me. I would love to talk it out with you.
Peace and love.
