A Heart in Need of Renovation

I have always loved God's Word, but lately He has sparked in me a new passion for it. He is working on my heart in ways words can hardly describe. In the midst of uncertainty, He has given me joy and peace. I came across a passage of Scripture this week that has absolutely been ripping me to shreds:

"Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor; not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality." Romans 12:9-13

I have read these verses dozens of time, but for some reason when I read them this week it was as though I was reading them for the first time. I am to love others deeply and honestly. One of the lines that stood out to me the most was "give preference to one another in honor". How often do I do this? How often do I find myself making choices based on what will be best for me with little regard for others? Actions speak louder than words. I can tell someone I love them all day long, but it means so much more to show them. 

I am also called to "abhor what is evil; cling to what is good". Being a lover of words, I was interested in knowing the exact definition of "abhor". It means "to regard with extreme repugnance : loathe". Again, I have to examine my own heart. How often do I settle for mediocrity? Do I really loathe what is evil? 

I know this post is scattered. I know my thoughts could never do this passage justice, but I feel so compelled by the Spirit to write about it. I want my life to be branded by the words in these verses. I want to be a woman who is "not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality." I want to love my brothers and sisters so intensely that there is no room for hypocrisy. I want to be a woman who gives others preference over myself. 

A Crown of Beauty Instead of Ashes

I often yearn for moments where God speaks so clearly to me that I can't ignore it. This morning, I had one of those moments. The weighty reality of my human nature came crashing down on me in ways that words can't describe. I was sitting in church like I do every week when God's voice spoke so clearly to me: "Lindsay, where has your focus been?"

You see, the last few weeks I have been struggling. I have felt so out of control. I've been angry and downright unpleasant to be around. I have reacted to situations in ways that are completely uncharacteristic of me. As I sat there wondering what had changed in my life, it dawned on me. My life started looking different when I took my focus off of Christ and began boasting in the fact that things were finally going my way for once.

Perhaps an even more painful wake-up call came when I began looking at how I've responded when things don't go my way. How quickly I fall apart when I have no control over my circumstances! It's embarrassing, really, to see how easily I let my sinful nature take over. My focus has changed and I haven't even realized it. 

In all reality, I have been in a season of harvest that was not of my own doing. Things began changing when I took my gaze off of my Father and began centering my life around the blessings He has bestowed on me. To make things even worse, I have found myself trying to handle my day-to-day life alone. As a result, my world comes crashing down when I lose control of my circumstances.

My heart breaks over how self-centered I have been lately. It is my deepest desire that God makes beauty out of these ashes I've created. Life should not be about how things are going for me. I have to take the focus off myself and place it on my Father. Words cannot express how thankful I am to Him for this revelation. I need to make Him the center of my life daily regardless of what is going on around me.

"When Thou didst say, 

'Seek my face,'

my heart said to Thee, 

'Thy face, O Lord, I shall seek.'" 

Psalm 27:8

"To provide for those who mourn in Zion;

to give them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,

festive oil instead of mourning,

and splendid clothes instead of despair. 

And they will be called righteous trees,

planted by the LORD,

to glorify Him."

Isaiah 61:3

"My soul, wait in silence for God only, 

for my hope is from Him. 

He only is my rock and my salvation,

my stronghold;

I shall not be shaken. 

On God my salvation and my glory rest;

the rock of my strength,

my refuge is in God. 

Trust in Him at all times, O people;

Pour out your heart before Him;

God is a refuge for us."

Psalm 62:5-8