it was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

...with little or nothing in between.

i'm not really sure what it is about this time of year that makes me reflect so much. perhaps its the feeling of closing a chapter and opening a new one- a year full of blank pages to fill with precious time with the Lord, family, adventures, unfamiliar experiences, and both new and old friends. as i look back on this year, i can honestly say that my life looks nothing like i thought it would. i've had experiences i never dreamed i would have. i have tried things i never thought i would be interested in trying. i have relationships that i honestly wouldn't trade anything in the world for. most importantly, i have learned so much about who i am and who God is. He has shown me over and over how perfect He is and how much He loves me despite my imperfection.

in the past, i have dedicated a verse for the upcoming year, but i didn't choose one at the beginning of 2010. however, when i look back on the year, i recognize the verse that has been the theme of it:

"now to Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us." -ephesians 3:20 (nasb)

i have honestly prayed that verse nearly every day this year, and i have seen God do exceeding abundantly beyond all i could ask or think over and over again.

i have no idea what the Lord has in store for me in 2011, but i can't wait to find out. this year has been the craziest, most up-and-down year of my life and there has been very little in between the highs and lows. but my Father has held my hand the entire way. so perhaps i should rephrase my previous statement. it was the best of times, it was the worst of times, with little or nothing in between... and my God is bigger than all of it.

learning to let go.

i can be so dense at times. it seems that God is constantly trying to show me things, but it takes multiple lessons before i "get it". and even then, i wrestle, i question, and i fail; only to ask my Father to help me learn the lesson again. i want to have the power, i want to know the outcome of a season in my life before i even walk through it. nearly two weeks ago, i came to the realization that i have been utterly consumed with what can only be described as control. its hard to trust sometimes, though it shouldn't be. my Father, the God of the universe, has my best interest at heart. it doesn't always look the way i think it should, but in the end it is always better than i could have imagined.

something in me broke a couple of weeks ago. i was feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and anxious over things i have no control of. in a whisper so clear, i felt God say, "daughter, give it to Me." for the first time in weeks, i willingly handed it to Him. i felt my soul breathe a sigh of relief, and a wave of peace washed over me. even now, sitting in a semi-crowded computer lab, i am tearing up with joy. i don't have to carry it! for the first time in so long, i feel like i can breathe again. i am so thankful to have a Father who walks with me and loves me despite all my shortcomings.

"Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:28-31

change.

its funny to me that the girl who would have turned sheet white at the idea of change a little over a year ago now thrives in it. its true, my life as of late has been in nearly constant transition. i used to be afraid of it. i like to be comfortable, settled, consistent. i like knowing what to expect. God is breaking me of that- and surprise! He did it in the way i least expected. this year He has shaken every aspect of my life. from my career choice to the kinds of food i like, you name it and it's probably changed this year.

i love it. i feel more alive than i have in a very long time. never have i been more surprised by the outcome of my situation, and never have i seen my prayers more directly answered. God works in mysterious ways. i am living, breathing proof of that. God is good. i am living, breathing proof of that as well. i can't wait to see what He has for me in the future.

"whatever your life entails right now-- no matter how far removed it seems from what you expected-- He has annointed you and divinely equipped you to not merely handle it, but to thrive in it." -priscilla shirer

wings like eagles.

i'm in one of those seasons of my life right now. it's a good season, don't get me wrong. but its also stressful, busy, and tiring. i'm being faced with a lot of huge decisions, (many of them dealing with school) and it seems the deadlines are sprinting in my direction. i almost wish i was back in the days where my biggest worry was if God was going to answer my prayers that my parents would let me have a cat. that's a HUGE thing for a seven-year-old, but it has simplicity i would do almost anything for as an confused 21-year-old college student.

i read a passage last week that very literally brought me to tears. God has brought it to my mind quite a few times since then. it reads:
"Do you not know? have you not heard?
The Everlasting God, the Lord,
the creator of the ends of the earth
does not become weary or tired.
His understanding is inscrutable.
He gives strength to the weary,
and to him who lacks might He increases power.
Though youths grow weary and tired,
and vigorous young men stumble badly,
yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength;
they will mount up with wings like eagles,
they will run and not get tired,
they will walk and not become weary." -Isaiah 40:28-31

what an encouragement that has been to me in the last week! now, i won't lie, i was unsure of the meaning of the word "inscrutable". i had an idea of what it meant based on the context, but i looked it up so i could know the exact definition. it means "not easily understood; mysterious; unfathomable". i simply love that my Father's understanding is unfathomable! i'm unendingly thankful for that. it is so awesome to me to know that in the midst of my exhaustion and confusion, God has strength for me.