unless you have seen a man die... actually, allow me to rephrase. unless you have seen a man take his own life in a public place, you cannot understand the effect it has on the lives of those present.
a blog, however, is not the place to share this kind of story. no, it should be told over coffee, or on a comfortable couch. somewhere that emotions can be felt deeply and communicated personally.
but i've begun to understand the effects of such a tragedy. it happened almost immediately after beginning the journey through a series of trials that would make most people want to stay locked up in their rooms. i can't say that i understand the purpose for witnessing it, because i don't. but i know God has a perfect reason.
a blog, however, is not the place to share this kind of story. no, it should be told over coffee, or on a comfortable couch. somewhere that emotions can be felt deeply and communicated personally.
but i've begun to understand the effects of such a tragedy. it happened almost immediately after beginning the journey through a series of trials that would make most people want to stay locked up in their rooms. i can't say that i understand the purpose for witnessing it, because i don't. but i know God has a perfect reason.
i do know, however, where it left me. it left me in a place of worry and fear; subconsciously consumed by wondering what would happen next. every time my phone rang, i considered ignoring the call. every time i received a text, i considered not reading it. and yes, even every time i received a facebook message, i considered not opening it. i just didn't want to hear it. i didn't want to know about another situation that was falling apart.
i came to the understanding today that my fear was a result of the incident my mom and i witnessed on march 7th, which caused me to understand something else. don't get me wrong, i haven't doubted that God loves me, but today in church we sang a song about how much He loves us. it's intense. it's radical. it's mind blowing. the God who created the entire universe loves me richer than i will ever be loved by any person in my lifetime. i don't have to fear what each day will hold, because my Father has my best interest at heart.
does this mean i'll always understand? absolutely not. and it doesn't mean that the incident will no longer effect me, either. but it does mean that no matter what i'm faced with, i can hold my Father's hand and trust Him to lead me through it. He loves me.
"Therefore the LORD longs to be gracious to you,
And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you
For the LORD is a God of justice;
How blessed are all those who long for Him.
O people in Zion, inhabitant in Jerusalem, you will weep no longer.
He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry;
when He hears it, He will answer you.
Although the Lord has given you bread of privation and water of oppression,
He, your Teacher will no longer hide Himself,
but your eyes will behold your Teacher.
Your ears will hear a word behind you,
"This is the way, walk in it,"
whenever you turn to the right or to the left."
Isaiah 30:18-21
